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Instead of moaning, just try chatting: being open and collaborative about what you’re finding difficult, and thinking together about ways you might address things. Instead, try talking to your partner about things in a calm, honest and open way. But, if they aren’t actually the source of the problem, then this is only likely to cause resentment and anger in your relationship, and may hurt their feelings. If changes in your life are the cause of your problems it can be tempting to look for someone to blame - our partners can often seem like an easy target. Sometimes, change affects us more than we realise - and we may feel we’re finding things different when we thought we’d cope just fine.
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Regardless of whether it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’, change, it takes away the familiar and replaces it with the unfamiliar. These can be both positive and negative changes: losing a job, getting a new job, having children, children moving away, moving house, getting married, or bereavement. Sometimes, we can find ourselves thrown off rhythm by big changes in our lives. But there’s usually a core reason behind negative feelings: being able to identify this is important if you want to address it. If you feel like ‘moaning’ is a problem in your relationship, the first thing to think about is: why are you moaning? What is it that’s causing you to feel dissatisfied?Ī risk with getting into this habit is that we don’t actually express what’s on our mind: we just find things to complain about as a way of generally venting annoyance. The person doing the moaning may feel they’re trying to get a point across, but they’re not being heard. They may even end up ‘counter moaning’: meeting fire with fire so the relationship becomes a battleground. The person on the receiving end of the moaning can find it exhausting, depressing or - if the comments are directed at them - damaging to their self-esteem. On one level, constant moaning can create a really negative atmosphere in a relationship. Moaning can sound like a lighthearted problem, or something that’s not that serious.Īnd while there’s nothing wrong with the occasional moan - in fact, it’s usually positive and healthy to express negative feelings, if it’s constantly happening in your relationship, it can begin to have an effect.